Letting go of a person who feels like home is like letting go apiece of your heart,

Letting go of the safety you had,

The years and months of breaking down your guarded walls,

Breaking down brick by brick to only have it put up again,

The time spent to trust, to open up, to truly be you,

Just to be used and used again,

Your presence used to bring a smile to my face,

Your arms felt like home when mom cleaned and made apple pie,

The strength and confidence I gained by being near you,

How just your gaze made me feel like I was valued and cared for,

After being told I didn’t deserve basic human kindness,

These memories are burned into my brain,

And I looked back at them when we were on the rocks,

The manipulative mind games,

The constant roller coaster rides,

I couldn’t shake the feeling I once had with you,

And now after I pushed you out of my life using the strength I learned from you,

I still can’t shake that feeling of home and safety,

I know my ideation isn’t you but I can’t stop hoping that that man is in you somewhere,

Hopefully he comes out again but I won’t be there to see it,

Because I won’t let myself be used time and time again,

I value myself and my well being over my idealization of what you could be